In the last blog I wrote about the importance of a ministry of presence in my job as a law enforcement chaplain. The fun of “loitering with intent” and investing time to build relationships for when things got tough. Little did I know I would have to withdraw on that investment so soon after posting it. When I wrote the blog, Covid-19 had already started to shift our daily rhythms and lives, but I did not envision it changing mine too much. Working for the police department, I assumed I would continue to go to work as normal and things might even kick into high gear. I did not even consider not being there.
Then the stay-at-home order came out for Galveston County. My position was listed as one that would need to follow the order and stay home. I would be home from March 25-April 3 to start. I was grateful for the safety and for less exposure, but being home changed everything. I couldn’t loiter with intent or spend time with officers from home. I couldn’t see their faces and know if they were doing ok. The random stop in my office for some snacks couldn’t turn into a very important and needed conversation. I worried that the officers would feel like I ditched them when things got tough. I had entered into a season of ministry that I couldn’t put a catchy title on because I didn’t know what to do.
I was blown away by what came next. The officers I am charged with caring for, started caring for me. One of the officers sent a text checking in on me and asked if I was still getting paid. He told me if I had any needs, financial or otherwise, to let them know because I always look out for them. Other officers sent me videos of what they were doing and asked what I had been up to. It helped me to still feel connected to them and meant so much. One officer reminded me that it was good I was home safe and that it was ok to rest. Hearing that from him helped me feel much less guilty for not being at work. I felt so honored and loved that they were taking time to take care of me. Then they truly surprised and blessed me. One of the sergeants organized a parade of police cars just for me. They drove past my house, lights on, windows down, and waving (that's the picture for this blog). I got to see their faces and got to wave at them. When I thanked them for it, they replied that it was just as important for them to see me.
I quickly realized that this was not about catchy or cute titles, but real meaningful relationships. It was humbling too because it put me in a position to receive for a short time and not be the one giving. Then I got word that on Monday, April 6th I could return to work. I was really excited to get back to “business as usual.”
At 6:30am, I got a call to respond to a Death on Scene. I jumped up and got dressed to head out, but had to remember to grab my mask. As I drove over I began considering how I was going to be present to the family in this time of social distancing. I realized that business was not going to be very usual. I arrived to officers in masks and gloves on the scene. When I spoke to the mother who had just lost her son, I had to stand at a distance that felt so far away. I couldn’t give this mother I personally knew a hug or even a reassuring hand on the shoulder.
A while later I walked into the station and the new reality continued. The report room, which usually has a little bit of activity buzzing, was pretty still. The officers have been told not to congregate there or be there if not necessary. Each time I would see an officer, they had their masks on and kept their distance. A sergeant that I am always excited to get a hug from came into my office and quickly halted because hugging is not on the list of things you can do right now. I knew that even though I was back at work, my role and my duties were going to require a lot of creativity.
It’s hard to know that the officers are working under stress and uncertainty and I’m with them less. I rely heavily on the more spontaneous interactions to be able to check in and see how the officers are doing. It’s a chance to see their faces and get a feel on how things are really going. I’m not able to be in their units with them doing ride alongs. That takes away moments of fun with them, but also the ability to make the quick check-in conversation turn into something deep. It was always easy for officers to invite me to come and ride with them if they needed to talk. Some of them wouldn’t even realize they needed to talk until we were riding around and it just happened. This time of pandemic has shifted so much and it is so easy to feel as if I’m being less supportive.
In this position, I’ve grown very accustomed to not being able to fix the big things that go on. I don’t necessarily like it, but I have realized it’s true. I can usually take care of small things though and find that to be a big part of what I do at the department. In this season not as many things are small and have easy fixes. One thing being the officers getting to share meals together on shift like they are used to doing. There were several disappointed faces those first few days that restaurants were closed. My instant thought was to do meals for them at the church or find a space where they could bring their food and gather together. I had to stop and remember that group gatherings are not happening right now. It’s hard not to be able to “fix” all of the things or replace all of the things that they are missing.
So, I have to remind myself to come back full circle and remember what it actually is about, those real and meaningful relationships. A virus may change the dynamics of the relationships, but they go deeper and can withstand those changes. The virus may take away the ability to give those hugs or a reassuring hand on the shoulder, but it will add value to smiles and understanding eyes. The virus will open up doors to creativity and learning new ways to be present. The virus will definitely teach us to appreciate many things we’ve taken for granted before.
I am so thankful that I get to serve GPD as their chaplain. This season will be difficult, but it will be a great chance to grow and to learn. And, with all things, this too shall pass and we will come out stronger on the other side of it!